As I watched my precious boy cover and uncover his bowl I recalled a bit of parenting advice that I heard long before I was even pregnant with Camden. The advice was simple- "get behind the eyes of your child". I couldn't tell you exactly when or where I heard it, only that it resonated with me and was brought to my remembrance during this seemingly unrelated event yesterday morning. You see, my initial reaction to Camden wanting his food only after it was cleaned up and placed (supposedly) out of his reach was aggravation. "Yeah yeah, I had you sitting in your highchair with the food right in front of you and you wanted nothing to do with it. Now that I've cleaned it up and gone back to eating my own breakfast you're suddenly interested in eating your food. That figures." I'm not proud to admit that, but it is what it is- I'm far from perfect and my patience runs low at times. It wasn't until I got down on Camden's level (literally in this situation) and tried to see the situation from his perspective that I understood what was going on. My boy is high-needs. He needs a lot of attention, touch, play, nurturing, basically a little bit more of everything. In this situation, he was trying to tell me that he needed my full attention and that he wanted me to help him work on a fine motor skill he's been perfecting recently. (He's taken to opening and closing a door on one specific toy he loves. The toy says "open" and "closed" accordingly, hence my choice of words instead of "cover" and "uncover". He doesn't tend to spend very long playing with one toy at a time but this one is a different story. Whenever he plays with this toy I can see him concentrate on opening and closing the little door, grasping it gently with his pincers, and moving it slowly back and forth. I know it probably doesn't sound like much but I'm certain it's a big deal to him. He'll play with it for awhile, opening and closing the door repeatedly.) That morning with his bowl and cover I could tell (or should I say, my mommy-intuition could sense) that something greater than a battle of wills over eating breakfast was going on. Camden watched me cover his bowl and must've thought it looked like a good way to practice his new skill. Had I not paused and decided to get behind the eyes of my child, I would have missed this excellent opportunity to foster his learning.
I've been replaying this event in my head since it happened. If I simply told someone else this story it probably wouldn't sound like anything special. "Okay, cool, you sat on the floor while your kid played with his bowl, cover, and food. Great story." Right? But to me it was so much more. As I've pondered this event and thought of the importance of seeing the world through Camden's eyes, the Lord brought a Scripture verse to my heart:
"The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." Psalm 145:8
Isn't that a beautiful picture of our Heavenly Father? Gracious, compassionate, patient and loving. Essentially, God is parenthood perfected; He is the perfect Father. As a parent, I strive to demonstrate these qualities towards my son. I want to be gracious, compassionate, patient, and loving towards Camden. I want to be conformed into the image of my perfect Heavenly Father in order to demonstrate Him to Camden. I want to reflect my God in such a way that Camden will get just a small glimpse of how perfect his Heavenly Father is. Does that make sense? If I am not gracious, compassionate, patient, and loving, how will Camden understand that God is all of these things perfected? I do not want to cloud his perception of God because I, as his mother, do not demonstrate these qualities towards my son. I believe that it is my duty to try to be the best mother I can be, by the grace of God. And I think a vital element in doing so is taking the time to change my perspective by getting behind Camden's eyes. Our perception shapes our reaction. That is to say, how we view any given situation determines how we respond to it. If I view a situation as threatening I am going to respond in a way that will protect me (and Camden, if he is with me).
Apply this to parenting: if I had viewed our breakfast situation as a mere annoyance and refused to let Camden have his bowl back, that learning opportunity would have been squelched and Camden most likely would have ended up very frustrated. Instead, by changing my perspective I was able to recognize the potential in the situation and use it in such a way as to help Camden hone his skill, all while bonding with him and giving him another chance to eat his food. Wouldn't you agree that a change in perspective brought a much better outcome in that situation? Only after I checked my frustration (slow to anger) was I able to happily engage in a learning event in Camden's life.
How often must God do that for us? We see the world very differently than God does, obviously. We are fallen, sinful, vastly imperfect human beings. However, because God is so gracious, compassionate, patient, and loving, He takes the time to look into our hearts and minds. Instead of striking us down whenever our perspective does not match His (which, lets face it, would be most of the time), He lovingly guides us. God, in His perfection, understands exactly what we are going through. He knows how we think, feel and act. He knows what it's like to be human, as He created humanity and allowed His Son to live among us as a human. God knows our struggles. He knows our weaknesses. He knows that our perspective is not perfect, as His is. Yet, He does not hold that against us. Rather, as our perfect Father, He gets behind our eyes and opens them to His truth. He fathers us. And He does so perfectly.
As earthly parents our perspective is more complete than that of our children. We see and understand things that they do not or cannot. Oftentimes we see the entire picture when they see only one frame. We can see the outcome of a situation that they do not grasp. We know that touching a hot burner will lead to a painful burn whereas our children might be overcome with curiosity and the desire to explore the unknown without knowledge of the potential harm. That's where our job of changing perspective comes in. We need to recognize how our kids see something and guide their perception while teaching and protecting them. Seeing the world through the eyes of a child is not only challenging but also enlightening. They have a lot to teach us, as we attempt to teach them. Seeing the world through their eyes will bring about a whole new facet of understanding our children as individuals. When we see things as they see them we are better equipped to understand and respond to their needs. It's a win-win situation, really. But in order to do so successfully we need to follow God's example. Don't berate the inevitable childhood mistakes inappropriately (show grace). Attempt to understand how your child thinks/feels about a situation (be compassionate). Take the time to change your perspective without losing your temper (be patient). And most importantly, do all things out of love (be a loving parent). If we take the time to model God's example to our children not only will they grow and thrive but so will we!
I so desperately want to mirror God's perfect example of grace, compassion, patience, and love to Camden! As a sinful human my imitation will be flawed at best. Yet, by the grace of God, I am given the privilege to try, everyday, to be the best mother that I can be. I know this is a heavy topic and much easier said (or blogged about) than done. I know that it's extremely challenging to pause and get behind the eyes of your child before reacting. I know. Thank God that He continues to be gracious, compassionate, patient, and loving towards us as we strive to be these things towards our children! With His help, may we change our perspective and be the very best parents possible!
