Goodbye kisses from Daddy

Kissing Camden Goodbye

Friday was a big day for me and Camden. It was the last day we got to spend with Jacob for the next 6+ months. It's difficult to write this post without tearing up or feeling like my thoughts are just all over the place, so I'm sorry if this becomes hard to follow. We tried to make the most of the day by spending lots of quality time together before Jacob left en route to Kyrgyzstan for his deployment. Needless to say, it was a sad and very rough day to get through. Thinking about all the things that Jacob is going to miss while he's deployed breaks my heart. He won't get to watch my belly grow to enormous proportions. He won't be around to feel CJ's kicks and jabs as he grows stronger. He won't be there for doctors appointments and ultrasounds. He'll miss my crazy nesting phase. But worst of all, he won't be home for the birth of our first child.  (And before you say it, yes, we knew this was a possibility when we decided to start trying. However, that doesn't make the reality any easier to face. We're both allowed to have a hard time with it). It truly is sad to think about. But as we prepared for the separation to come, Jacob and I both tried to focus on how amazing his homecoming will be. When Jacob returns, we'll be a little family of three! Camden will be in our arms instead of my tummy. That is exciting, though admittedly a little strange, to think about right now!

Nevertheless, the separation is not easy. At all. I already miss my husband so incredibly much! He truly is my other half and I really do feel like half a person while he's gone. It's hard to explain and I know that it's hard for anyone who hasn't gone through this to understand. But watching Jacob leave really broke my heart. Just because I'm a military wife and I "signed up" for this doesn't make it easier to go through. Military wives aren't immune to the pain of separation simply because they experience it more often. Believe me, I feel the pain of my husband's absence! I feel it sharply and I feel it nonstop. It's just as hard for me to say goodbye as it is for any other woman who is madly in love with her man. The difference is, I'm forced to do it. I know that as a military wife there are times when I have to say goodbye for months on end, whether I want to or not. That comes with the territory. I do what needs to be done. I do it for our love. Jacob is worth every tear shed and every painful day spent apart! All of it. I wouldn't trade the marriage I have to him for anything. So yes, it sucks and it hurts more than words can express. But it needs to be done because my heart is fully devoted to the man that I married. I will find a way to get through each day while he's gone. I'll have good days and I'll have bad days. I'll have days when all I do is sit in bed, bundled up in his clothes, wishing that he could come home already (*cough*today*cough*). But I know that we will both get through this time and be even stronger because of it. But please friends, don't assume that this is easier for me simply because I am a military wife. Believe me, it isn't easy at all. But I would do anything for Jacob. And for us, that means making our love deployment strong. Okay, rant over.

Since this blog is really supposed to be about Baby Hildreth, there is something pretty cool I wanted to document. Yesterday, while I was driving home from Delaware, I decided to snack on some plain Cheerios (still a favorite!). Like I mentioned before, I like to talk to Camden throughout the day. As I was eating and driving I was talking to him, saying silly things like "I hope you like these Cheerios, buddy! Daddy would be happy that we're eating right now since our appetite seemed to disappear this week. Mmmm, these are so yummy, don't you think?" You know, just little things like that. Well, as I was munching away and talking to our little man, I could feel him wiggling around!! It was like a had this happy little goldfish swimming around and blowing bubbles in my tummy! I've felt something similar in the past few weeks but yesterday it was really strong! I knew it was him. I just knew it. In that moment I felt overwhelmingly thankful that I still have this piece of Jacob here with me while he's gone. I could sense God's provision in blessing us with a baby boy to be a part of me while my husband is away. I just had to pause and think about how lucky I really am to have a man that I love so incredibly much and to be carrying his son. It was a powerful moment for me. I smiled really big and cried a little. It was a moving experience. It's so awesome how God always provides exactly what we need when we need it the most! I know that Camden is a gift from God. And I know that God is going to use Camden to help me get through this difficult season. What a blessing this baby boy is!

Okay, well my scatterbrain can't seem to sort anything else out at this point. Thanks for taking the time to read through this long and sporadic post. Please keep Jacob, myself and baby Camden in your prayers. Specific prayer points would be- safety and a smooth transition for Jacob / comfort, peace and strength for both of us / health for all of us. Thank you all so much for the love, prayers and support over the past few days! It means a lot to us!

16 Weeks

How far along? I'm not exactly sure at this point... I was measuring small at my ultrasound so my due date looks like it's going to be a little later. I should be around 16 weeks and a few days. We'll find out for sure in a couple weeks!16ish weeks!

How big is baby estimated to be? Not sure... I'll update when I know what week this is, haha.

Total weight gain: Approximately 3lbs. from 124-127lbs

Wearing maternity clothes? Nope. All of my clothes still fit! Some of my jeans feel a little snug, but everything still fits. I'm anxious to actually get into my cute maternity clothes!

Symptoms this week: I had that sharp side pain again this past week. It just came out of nowhere while I was prepping/cooking mine & Jake's early Thanksgiving dinner. It was still on my right side but it seemed a little higher up this time. I laid down on my left side and drank some water and that helped a little bit. Until I got back up, ha. Other than that, lots of dizziness today! I woke up to a spinning room- no fun. Also, my appetite has been extremely finicky! I'm really stressed this week so that has been killing my appetite. But I also seem to have a lot of new aversions. Nothing super strong just lots of things I usually like sound gross to me. Still waking up with a stuffy nose. I think that's it. I still feel good overall :]

Food cravings: Roasted red pepper hummus & pretzels! YUM. I can't get enough!! I've also been looooving Wawa coffee (3/4 decaf, 1/4 french vanilla, with fat free french vanilla creamer and skim milk). I think that's just because I can't get Wawa in MA so I'm taking advantage of it while I'm in Delaware. Haha. 

Food aversions: Basically feels like everything this week. It's not that anything makes me sick, it's just that nothing sounds appetizing to me. 

Any movement from baby? I've felt some little bubbly, goldfish like feelings in my tummy a lot in the evenings. I think that's baby! I can't wait to feel a kick or something!

Gender: Boy!!! We're both so so excited about our little man!! Camden Jacob <3 

Emotions and experiences this week: Gosh. This is such a loaded question this week. Jake is getting ready to deploy so I'm a hot mess. I think I'll just leave it at that. It was super exciting to find out baby's gender together this week! It was really special to be able to do that together. At the same time, it was extremely bittersweet. That was our last appointment together and the last time Jake gets to see Camden via ultrasound in person. Next time he sees Camden he'll be outside of my tummy! That's exciting to think about but still really sad... Gah. Hot mess. 

Looking forward to: Ummm. Not to sound really depressing but I don't have much to look forward to after Jake leaves... I guess the next thing I'm looking forward to is finding out my new, official due date! I have an OB appointment on October 10th when I should find out. It'll be nice to know how far along I really am and when Camden should be making his grand entrance!

It's a BOY!!

Baby Hildreth is a BOY!!! My intuition was right! I don't know how it happened, but I seriously had this strong gut feeling that baby was a boy. It started with dreams about having a baby boy before I even found out that I was pregnant. I had two or three (wonderful!) dreams about our baby while I was waiting until I could take a test. It was awesome. I did have a couple dreams about baby being a girl, but they weren't enough for me to really shake the feeling that it was a boy. I'm so happy that my intuition was right!! 

Our ultrasound appointment went pretty well. They must've been running behind schedule because we waited for 25 minutes to be seen but it was worth the wait. The technician showed as different parts of baby- arms, legs, kidneys, stomach, brain, feet, hands, heart. It was so so cool to see baby in more detail! I loved getting to see all four chambers of his little heart beating! That was just incredible! He was tucked into this funny upside down position which made it a little difficult for the technician to tell us the gender. He had a hand over his face and his little legs tucked in... at one point, we could see him wiggling his feet! Amazing. But she was able to get a peak and tell us that baby is a boy! She wouldn't say 100% because it was so early and he wasn't in the best position, but she said it's safe to say he's a boy. She seemed pretty sure of it! We're thrilled! As I already posted, the name we picked out for our little boy is Camden Jacob. I love that we can call him by name now!! I like to talk to Camden a lot, haha. I probably look cray cray half the time, but I love putting a hand on my stomach and talking to him. I especially love it when Jake talks to him :] It's so sweet to see him bend over to make his face level with my tummy and talk to Camden. It melts my heart! Gosh, we're both just so happy! After we found out the gender we went shopping. I had to! We've already bought a bit of gender neutral stuff (white, yellow, gray, red) but I wanted to buy boy stuff so bad!! We got some super cute boy clothes and a Boppy with this cool blue stripes/dinosaurs slip cover. Total win. 

It was hard to keep the gender a secret from my parents all day but I've always wanted to do a gender reveal cake for them. It was great to see their faces when they cut the cake open and saw the bright blue! They were both really happy for us! Earlier in the day I let my mom look at our ultrasound pictures (since we didn't have one revealing the gender) and she was like "oh my gosh, it's a girl! I can see that it's a girl!". Hahaha! I had to just walk away at that point. I think she was pretty surprised to find out that it was a boy! She had been calling my stomach Camden all along, though, so I guess she couldn't have been too surprised. Either way, it was so fun to tell them the gender through a beautiful cake! And it was fun to eat a piece of said cake to celebrate. Yum. 

Other than finding out the gender at our ultrasound we also found out that baby is measuring small for the initial estimated gestational age. So it looks like my due date is going to be a little later than March 2nd. Honestly, I wasn't too surprised to learn that because I had gotten negative pregnancy tests for awhile before my positives which made me think that we actually got pregnant a little later than the doctor estimated. It's really no big deal- as long as baby is healthy I don't care when I'm due! We don't have an official due date yet but I'm sure my OB will give me one when I see her in a couple weeks. Once that happens, I'll update my blog- correct the weeks and change the header. I'm anxious to know when I'm really due now! I think it's kind of nice that I'm due later. That just means that Camden will get to meet his Daddy even sooner! Hopefully he'll only be a couple weeks old when Jake comes home. As long as everything works out and Camden is healthy, Jake and I will both be happy. 

15 Weeks

How far along? 16 weeks & 2 days! 15ish weeks!

How big is baby estimated to be? The size of an avocado! Which, ironically, is one of my favorite foods lately!

Total weight gain: Approximately 2.4lbs. From 124 to 126.4

Wearing maternity clothes? Not yet! Though I'm still having fun finding clearance deals for when my bump is big enough for them! 

Symptoms this week: Stuffy nose! I've been waking up with a stuffy nose every morning lately. I don't know if it has to do with the change in season/weather or is being caused by pregnancy... I know stuffy nose can be a symptom, so I'll chalk it up to that. Otherwise, still some little stomach twinges and dizzy spells. But overall I feel great!

Food cravings: Nothing strong this week. Yet ;]

Food aversions: Luckily still none!

Any movement from baby? I don't think so... 

Gender prediction: Boy! Gahhh, I cannot wait to know for sure!!!

Emotions and experiences this week: This week has been emotional so far. Just all that goes along with getting ready for my husband's deployment. It's rough. I'm just trying to enjoy the time we have left together! We've been spending every waking second together, which I'm loving. We picked apples and baked some yummy treats this week! Very fun. I feel like a big mess of emotions because one minute I'll just be totally loving the time with Jake then the next it hits me that he's leaving soon and I'm bawling. These pregnancy hormones are making this emotional time a bit harder on the both of us! On a happier note, it seems as though I may have finally "popped"! I still feel more pudgy than pregnant and it definitely looks that way with my shirt not pulled up to reveal my tummy, haha. But sure enough, my tummy looks much more pregnant this week! It makes me so happy and excited! I love watching my stomach grow knowing that our little baby is growing in there! It's just so cool. I've really been anxious for my stomach to pop because I wanted Jake to be able to see it before he leaves.

Looking forward to: OUR GENDER ULTRASOUND ON THURSDAY!!! I am so flippin' gosh darn excited to find out if baby is a boy or a girl!! I'm pretty convinced that it's a boy but I want to know for sure!! I'm seriously praying that little one cooperates because I will be devastated if we can't find out! Eeeeeeeee!! :D

14 Weeks

How far along? 15 weeks & 5 days!14ish weeks!

How big is baby estimated to be? The size of a naval orange :]

Total weight gain: About 1 1/2 to 2 pounds. Like I said before, my weight tends to fluctuate a bit so there are some mornings I barely weigh more than I did pre-pregnancy and others that I weigh a pound or two more. I think my doctor's official count is 2lbs, though. 

Wearing maternity clothes? Nope. My bump is still so little! I've been teased that I don't even look pregnant. I did, however, score some awesome clearance maternity clothes at Target this past week! That made me happy!

Symptoms this week: I actually had a little nausea this week! Nothing bad at all but enough to make me take a nap. Other than that, still a lot of dizzy spells. New this week are some little twinges in my stomach. Not painful, just weird.

Food cravings: Still tomatoes! Nothing else I can recall. 

Food aversions: None. 

Any movement from baby? Well, baby seemed to be wiggling around quite a bit at our appointment this week. I don't know if I'm feeling it yet, though. I say that because I had this weird butterflies feeling in my stomach last night while I was relaxing with Jake. It wasn't like nervous butterflies, just similar in the fluttery feeling. But stronger. I don't know, it's hard to explain! Just something weird I haven't felt or at least haven't noticed before. It could just be some of the weird stomach twinges I've been feeling... I dunno! I can't wait to feel this little one move for sure!!

Gender prediction: Boy still! However, I had this crazy dream that Jake and I were at our gender ultrasound appointment and there were two nurses/techs/whatever-the-people-who-do-ultrasounds-are-called and one told us it was a boy and the other told us it was a girl! I'm not sure what that is supposed to mean but we are both super anxious to find out what we're having!!

Emotions and experiences this week: This week has been wonderful! We had an OB appointment on Friday (technically week 14) where we got to hear baby's heartbeat again! It was the first time that the nurse was able to pick up the heartbeat with the Doppler machine! Literally as soon as she put it down on my stomach we heard baby's heartbeat!! 165, steady and strong! It was awesome. That still gets me! After that appointment we drove to Delaware for Jake's drill. The weekend was relaxing for me while he worked. I woke up feeling pretty crappy on Saturday, though. I strained some sort of a muscle or nerve in my neck working out last week and I woke up in a lot of pain on Saturday. I think driving might have irritated it. Whatever it was, it was not fun! I could barely move neck and arm! The pain went all the way down my right side from my jawbone to my armpit/bicep. Putting my arms over my head (like to wash my hair) sent a super sharp pain darting up and down. Leaning on my arm, turning my head that way or doing anything to pull with or use my right arm caused the same pain. And of course, Tylenol didn't help. Luckily the pain is much better now! It took a few days but it has subsided. As far as emotions, this week has been full of memories. After Jake's drill we decided to spend a few days in Pennsylvania in the same town as our alma mater. I'll tell you what, I love that area! It's so special to Jake and I because it's where we met, dated, fell in love and spent the first two years of our marriage! We visited our alma mater- went to chapel, had a meeting with the president, visited a bunch of staff and faculty members, had lunch in the dining commons. It was wonderful to be back where it all started for us! I got to see my old colleagues and catch up with some of my favorite professors. I just can't explain how nice it was to visit. We also got to do some things in the area that we enjoy- eat at some of our favorite local joints, visit the park, try out a restaurant we wanted to go to the whole time we were here but never did. We just did whatever we felt like doing! We got to relax and enjoy a lot of time together. It was a perfect little getaway for the two of us. Just a few days away together to reminisce and make some new memories here. I've been very happy and relaxed. The reality of the deployment sets in more every day but I'm trying not to dwell on it. If I do I just can't help but cry. So I don't want to think about it yet. Even though it's always on the back of my mind. When it comes to that, my emotions are all over the place. We're focusing on the positives (he'll be in a safe location, he'll have wifi, homecoming will be amazing). For now, we continue to enjoy every second together!

Looking forward to: Finding out baby's gender!!! It's basically all Jake and I have been talking about lately, haha. Even though we aren't anxious for that particular date because it means he leaves soon, we're both excited to find out if baby is a boy or a girl! We're hoping and praying that baby cooperates so we can find out. I'll be pretty devastated if we can't. I tried not to get my hopes up too much since I know we might not be able to find out, but I couldn't help it! I'm so excited to know! I'm also still excited to watch my belly grow! My bump has definitely become more visible over the past few weeks but I still don't really look pregnant. I want to look pregnant! Haha. Other than that, I'm just looking forward to spending as much time with my love as I can before he has to leave. 

Names

I keep forgetting to mention in my blogs that Jacob and I have picked out names!! We actually picked out names that we liked before we even got pregnant and we haven't changed our minds since getting pregnant. We were lucky and didn't have any trouble deciding on names that we both liked. We both wanted something unique and we (well, mostly me) wanted to pass on our first names as middle names. It will be a few more weeks until we know if baby is a boy or girl, but I'll share our name choices now. Just for fun. If baby is a boy he will be Camden Jacob and if baby is a girl she will be Haydin Alayna. Both names are a little different and, we think, very cute! I'm very excited to find out if this little one is our Camden or our Haydin!! I'm still pretty convinced that baby is a boy, but we'll see! Hopefully baby will cooperate on Sept. 21st so that we can find out the gender! Oh Camden or Haydin, mommy and daddy love you so much already!!

13 Weeks

How far along? 14 weeks & 3 days!13ish weeks!

How big is baby estimated to be? Baby is the size of a lemon :]

Total weight gain: I finally bought a scale!!! I was extremely surprised to learn that I have gained... 1 1/2 pounds! Haha. That's it. Well, 1.4 pounds, technically. I went from 124 to 125.4. It's a little hard to say for sure, though, because my weight fluctuates by a few pounds just about everyday. I blame it on water retention. Pre-pregnancy I weighed between 123-125 and now I'm sitting at 125.4. I'd say my average pre-pregnancy weight was 124 but when I weighed myself first thing this morning I was 124.4. I definitely need to talk to my OB about weight gain! I think I'm on a good pace because the bulk of weight should come in the second half of pregnancy but I want to know what she expects me to gain.

Wearing maternity clothes? Not yet. All my clothes still fit. Some are snug but not bad. My cousin did give me a huge bin of maternity clothes to borrow, though! I'm excited about that :D

Symptoms this week: Dizziness and headaches like last week. And a weird sharp pain in my stomach/side! I don't know if that was technically a symptom, though...

Food cravings: Tomatoes!!! I could eat my body weight in tomatoes this week!! I've been eating caprese salad (tomatoes, part-skim mozzarella, fresh basil, extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar) just about everyday. I've also been loving BLTs made with turkey bacon, tomato, avocado and baby spinach. Yum yum yum! 

Food aversions: Nothing.

Any movement from baby? Still can't feel it... I'm excited to be able to feel this little one wiggle over the next month or so! Hopefully. 

Gender prediction: Boy. Really thinking boy this week. 

Emotions and experiences this week: It's been a pretty good week emotionally. I'm still working on processing the fact that Jake's deployment is coming up so quickly and everything that comes along with that. I'm totally loving being pregnant! I'm finally starting to show a little- although it looks more like I ate too much than a baby belly! I love seeing my little baby bump! Jake is convinced I'm starting to "pop" and I hope he's right! Other than that, I had that weird sharp pain experience that my previous blog talks about. I ended up resting all day on Saturday and felt much better. No problems since. 

Looking forward to: My OB appointment on Friday! I'm not sure what to expect other than getting to either hear or see baby again, but I'm super excited for that! I can't wait to see how baby has grown over the past month! I'm also looking forward to this upcoming week because Jake and I will be in Delaware for his orders then in PA for a couple days to visit our alma mater and see some friends! I seriously miss that area and I can't wait to get away for a couple days with my man! I'm also, admittedly, a little excited for fall this year! Obviously I'm dreading the fact that Jake will be leaving but I'm excited for hoodies, boots, soup, pumpkin-flavored everything, apple picking, and the beautiful foliage. I found that I got hotter much more easily this summer so the cooler weather will be nice, too. Most of all, though, I'm looking forward to spending these last few weeks with Jake. We have some fun dates planned and we're just going to soak up every minute together :]