Dear soon-to-be mom of two...

Dear soon-to-be mom of two...

It feels like just yesterday I was in your shoes. I remember sitting on the living room floor, looking at my big pregnant belly and playing with my firstborn. I remember feeling anxious about the future and, honestly, a bit sad. Sad because the days of just the two of us were quickly dwindling. My son, the baby who made me a mother, wasn't going to be my only child for much longer. And as excited as I was to welcome a baby girl into our family, I was also sad to leave behind the season of just me and my son. He was my sidekick; we went everywhere and did everything together. My days (and nights) revolved around this boy. He was my world, and I was his. But our world was about to change drastically.

I constantly wondered what life was going to look like once our sweet baby arrived. I would picture various scenarios of life with two throughout our daily activities. I'd think about snuggling both my little darlings in the morning. I'd daydream about nursing the baby while reading books to my son. I'd feel nervous at the thought of grocery shopping or running errands alone with both kids. I'd picture family dinners, sibling baths, and an inevitably exhausting bedtime routine. I would watch my son sleep, his little arms wrapped around my belly, and I would get lost in thought. As beautiful as all these mental images appeared, I knew the transition wouldn't be easy and probably wouldn't be pretty. Waves of guilt would crash over me. Guilt over the fact that I would no longer be able to give my son my undivided attention all day long. Guilt that life as he knew it would never be the same. And then there was the guilt over feeling this way, and the fact that the baby wouldn't get a season of being my only.

Some days, it felt like all too much to bear. I would cry and hold my boy a little tighter. I made every effort to soak up every day I had with my son before my daughter was born. I'd make mental notes of all the special little things we held between us. I also took plenty of physical pictures of this precious season. Life went on and brought us closer and closer to baby's arrival.

I still vividly remember the morning I woke up in labor with my daughter. My little sidekick had found his way into my bed, per usual. I snuggled him while I timed my contractions for an hour. Once I wasn't comfortable laying down anymore, I quietly made my way out of the room to labor on my birthing ball. Fast forward a couple hours and it was time to head to the hospital. I went in the bedroom to kiss my son goodbye, when he woke and asked what was going on. I cried. A lot. I hugged him so tight, and explained that his sister was coming. In my head, I apologized to him for the major change that was about to rock his world. Out loud, I told him how much I loved him and that he was going to be the best big brother. Saying goodbye to my son to leave for the hospital was so much harder than I expected. I knew he would be in good hands with my parents but I also knew that he didn't fully grasp what was coming. I was in this heart-wrenching limbo of being over the moon excited to meet baby girl, yet utterly devastated to say goodbye to this season of just me and my son. Plus, all the hormones that come along with labor didn't help, ha.

Labor went wonderfully and just four (painfully long yet short) hours after being admitted, our sweet baby girl was in my arms. She was here! And with her came an amazing excitement over this new season of life.

I remember telling my husband that I wanted him to be holding the baby when our son came to meet her. I had read somewhere that it's less shocking for the older child if the baby isn't in mom's arms. So we made sure my arms were free to hug and love on our boy before we introduced him to his new baby sister. I'll never forget the look on his face when he got to meet and hold the baby. He was surprised, excited, and proud all at once. He touched her little face and repeatedly kissed her head. He grasped her tiny hand in his and smiled. He talked to her and told her who he was. It was such a beautifully special moment! And in that moment, my heart found peace and a new level of love that I didn't know was possible. Yes, our world just got flipped upside down. But the view from here was pretty spectacular.

While it's true that nothing can ever really prepare you for having a baby, there's something to be said for having a second baby. You know a bit more about what to expect. You're more confident in your abilities as a momma. Yet, there's this huge unknown of what life will look like with two. Can I just take a moment and assure you, it's amazing. It's exhausting, challenging, and sometimes overwhelming. But it fills your heart with so much love, you feel as though you could burst.

And you know what? The transition to two went more smoothly than I expected. We had (and continue to have) our rough days. It's hardest when both kids need me at the same time and I have to decide which need gets met first when they can't be met simultaneously. But I have the privilege of watching two unique and beautiful souls grow up and bond with each other. My son can make my daughter smile and laugh like no one else. My daughter calls her brother "bubba" and he smiles everyone he hears it. They have a special sibling love that I pray grows as they do. No, it's not always easy but that's motherhood. The important thing to remember is that every season brings its own kind of beautiful.

We still find time to be just me and my son. We have little dates and we do special activities when sister naps alone. Our family dynamic has changed but my relationship with my son has remained mostly the same. I have to work a little harder for the one-on-one time with him, but it's worth it. He's become the most fantastic helper. He takes pride in his role as big brother. It's been really neat to see him grow and change since the addition of our daughter. He's no longer my baby or my one and only, but he's still momma's boy and we still share a strong bond.

So, soon-to-be mom of two, enjoy the time you have left with your one and only. Sit on the floor and play. Memorize your firstborn right now in this moment. And know that the new baby joining your family is going to bring a brand new dimension of love. It will all work out and you'll be amazed at how full your heart can be. ❤️

Essential Oils & Childbirth - My Experince

My birth plan with Annabelle was the same as with Camden. I wanted to have a natural, non-medicated, hands-off birth. Having birthed Camden this way, I knew what to expect (pending no complications or surprises) but this time around I had a new weapon in my arsenal- essential oils! I'm relatively new to the world of essential oils so I'm still learning about them. However, I fell in love with them from the first use and knew that I wanted to incorporate them into my birth with Annabelle. 

I began researching essential oils and childbirth during my second trimester. Most of my sources were lovely blogs filled with stories of personal birthing experiences. I loved reading all of these stories and using their insight to compose my list of oils to include in my hospital bag! I tried to choose oils that I already had or ones that weren't too expensive to add to my collection. 

I put together my little bag of oily goodness late in my third trimester. I kept them all together (in my hospital bag) for easy access and gave my husband a detailed list of which oils to use when, where, and for what. Here's the breakdown:

- Lavender. This is one of my favorite oils! I packed a small bottle (undiluted) to use in my diffuser throughout my labor. We started diffusing it as soon as we got into our room. At one point I remember the doctor coming in our room to check on me and saying that the atmosphere felt so calm! Thank you, lavender! 

- Peppermint. I remembered getting incredibly nauseous during my labor with Camden so I packed peppermint oil specifically in case that happened again. Sure enough, right as I was getting ready to push, I got super nauseous. Jacob grabbed the peppermint oil and held it under my nose for me to smell. Instantly, my nausea disappeared! 

- PanAway roller (diluted with fractionated coconut oil). PanAway is an awesome oil for helping relieve pain and discomfort. Obviously this was a no-brainier to bring along! I could've used it undiluted but I know that my skin is extra sensitive during pregnancy so I chose to dilute it in a roller bottle. Jacob applied this to my back and hips throughout my labor. It definitely help to lessen the pain during contractions! 

- Stress Away roller (diluted in fractionated coconut oil). Stress Away is my favorite essential oil blend! It smells wonderful and really helps in those moments of stress! I tend to tense up when I'm stressed out or in pain so I wanted this oil to help me relax. Jacob rolled it on my wrists throughout my labor so that I could smell it whenever I wanted, which was basically nonstop, haha. 

- Valor. I was lucky enough to have a very sweet member of an oily group I belong to gift me a bottle of Valor to use during my labor! I got it in the mail a couple days before I had Annabelle, so I tucked it into my hospital bag with the rest of my stash. I wanted this oil specifically for pushing. If you read either of my birth stories, you know that I hate pushing. I was terrified of it with Camden and couldn't seem to shake that fear with Annabelle. Valor promotes feelings of bravery so I knew I needed it in my oily arsenal! Jacob started diffusing Valor as I was hitting 10cm and put a drop on my chest when I was getting ready to push. I truly believe that this oil helped save me from a c-section. Annabelle was face up and presented face first (meaning her little face was the first thing coming out). Because of all the stress and strain, she was very purple as her face presented. There was a sense of urgency, being that we didn't know if something else was causing her discoloration (such as lack of oxygen). The doctors had me pushing nonstop, with and without contractions. I was scared and seriously pushing with all my might. I knew if I wasn't be able to get her out quickly, we could have an emergency c-section on our hands. I remember feeling confident as I pushed, knowing that I could get her out if I just kept going. And even though I didn't end up being one of those women who births their baby with a push or two, it took me less than half the time to birth Annabelle as it did Camden (less than 30 minutes compared to 1.25hrs). I truly think that Valor gave me the extra boost I needed to push so fervently with Annabelle. And now whenever my husband and I smell Valor we're instantly reminded of Annabelle's birth. That scent will always have a strong association for us, and we love it. 

- Frankincense. I brought a few drops of Frankincense to anoint Annabelle after her birth. This oil has a multitude of benefits, including healing and brain growth. We didn't dilute the oil but we did apply the drop to my finger before rubbing it on her forehead. 

- Gentle Baby. This lovely essential oil blend smells like baby powder and I love it! I made a diaper rash balm for Annabelle using Gentle Baby and coconut oil (which, by the way, has successfully prevented any diaper rashes so far!). I brought the whole bottle to diffuse some after Annabelle's birth. We diffused a combination of this and lavender during most of our stay in the hospital. This oil can also be applied to mom and baby for bonding. 

(I also packed a dropper bottle of fractionated coconut oil in case I decided to dilute any of the straight oils I brought.)

I was already a lover of essential oils and incorporating them into my birthing experience just intensified that love! They truly helped me make it through my natural labor with Annabelle. I was very thankful to have each one I packed and I would certainly recommend them for any momma who wants to have an unmedicated birth! 

On a totally related note, I wanted to mention that Clary Sage essential oil helped me get my labor going. I had Jacob massage it into my ankles on Saturday night, after I had been having prodromal labor all week and strong contractions throughout that day. I walked on the elliptical for half an hour after he applied it, then went to bed. I woke up in true labor around 3am! 

Annabelle's Birth Story

Annabelle's Birth Story

I had been having prodromal labor throughout the week leading up to Annabelle's due date. I would have contractions that got decently strong and close together and then they would stop, usually when I went to bed. There were a couple days when I really thought I was in early labor, consistently having contractions 10-12 minutes apart for hours. It felt just like early labor with Camden. There were even two nights when they got down to 5-6 minutes apart! But, without fail, the contractions would slow down and eventually stop altogether when I went to bed. So when I went to bed with contractions on Saturday night, I didn't think they would last (after all, I had been having contractions steadily throughout the day but they weren't getting longer, stronger, and closer together). In an attempt to encourage labor, I had Jake massage my ankles with clary sage essential oil and then I spent half an hour on the elliptical before I went to bed. When I woke up at 3:30am to contractions that were too strong to sleep through, I felt like this was it! I stayed in bed, trying to rest while I timed them at 8-9 minutes apart for an hour. At that point, I decided to get up, have a snack, and sit on my exercise ball to see if that brought them on stronger. By 6:30am my contractions were down to 5-6 minutes apart and too strong for me to really walk and talk through. I called my doctor's office and woke up Jake. I was told to head to the hospital to be checked so we took our time, got things together, and got ready to go. I had a little breakdown at this point- I felt really sad to be leaving Camden (even though I knew he was in good hands with my parents), and just overwhelmed about the huge change happening! I gave Cam lots of kisses and we were on our way. My contractions were coming every 4 minutes at this point, and felt really awful sitting in the car. We got to the hospital around 7:30am, checked in, and were brought right into a triage room. I had my cervix checked- at this point and found out that I was 90% effaced and 6cm dilated! (That was huge progress considering I was "more than 1cm" on Friday morning when I had a prenatal appointment and got my membranes stripped). We were officially admitted at 8:50am, got into our room and things progressed quickly! I had an IV of penicillin (since I tested GBS+ again) my contractions were strong and close together; Jake was my superhero at this point, helping me get comfortable and reminding me to take deep breaths through each contraction. We worked so well together, it was perfect. I wanted to have another natural, unmedicated birth so it helped a lot to have Jake there to apply counter pressure and help me find good positions for working through the pain. He also remembered to use the various essential oils I packed to help with different aspects of my labor. I spent a lot of time laboring on all fours, hoping to encourage Annabelle to move from face front to face back (the doctor told us she was facing forward when she checked my cervix). My contractions got really close together after I spent some time in a hot shower, so we decided to be checked again. I was at 8cm with a bulging amniotic sac so we decided to have the doctor rupture my waters. That got me right up to 9cm and made my contractions extremely intense... At this point, it felt like my contractions were right on top of each other, with double-peaks. It was certainly intense and I started to really struggle getting through them. I kept moving and finding different positions that helped me work through the pain. I labored through maybe 10 more contractions and felt ready to push. The doctor came back to check me and told me that I had a small anterior lip and needed to work through a few more contractions before I could start pushing. It was really tough to be in that limbo where my body felt ready to push but I had to wait. Those contractions were the hardest ones to work through, but it was only a couple before the doctor checked again and said that baby's head was already moving over the lip so I was good to start pushing. Now, I've got to say, I don't like pushing. I know a lot of woman say it's so good to be able to do something with the contractions, and obviously at that point you know baby is almost in your arms which is amazing... But pushing hurts like crazy and scares me. Jake diffused some Valor essential oil and applied some to my chest to help me with that apprehension. Pushing was much harder with Annabelle than it was with Camden. And we found out why pretty quickly- baby girl was face up and presenting face first! They had me push from a reclined position, then moved me to my left side. It felt better to push from my side (laying on my back was the most painful position throughout my labor), but Annabelle's heart rate dropped a bit in that position so I was moved to my back again. I pushed for a few contractions that way then moved to my right side. I had bad nausea at this point and thought I was going to throw up. Jake gave me some peppermint essential oil to smell and that helped quell the nausea and stopped me from throwing up. I think it was at this point that my oxygen level tanked and they put an oxygen mask on me. The smell of the mask made my nausea worse and I tried to take it off but the concerned look on Jake's face told me that I needed it. I started to make some good progress on my right side, so they moved me to my back to get ready for delivery. Even though it hurt the most, I made the best progress on my back. I remember the doctor saying that they could see Annabelle's eyes around this time! All of the doctors/nurses in the room seemed kind of excited about her face-first presentation but there was also a sense of urgency. Everyone kept telling me to push harder and I was struggling to push any harder than I already was! I literally pushed so hard that I ruptured a bunch of blood vessels around my eyes (Jake told me to relax my face but I couldn't even process it at that point). At the end, I was pushing nonstop even without contractions. It was brutal but after about 30 minutes of pushing, at 12:50pm, our baby girl arrived! Her face was extremely purple from bruising and her eyes were very swollen, but she was immediately placed on my chest and scored an 8 on her first APGAR (she scored 9 on her second). All things considered, she handled birth very well! I was able to hold Annabelle skin-to-skin for about an hour and a half, and it was amazing. She nursed and snuggled and made the cutest little squeaky newborn noises. It was instant love! When I finally let the nurse take baby girl, she weighed in at 6lbs 11oz and measured 18.5 inches long (exactly 1oz and 1 inch less than Camden at birth). I also faired well with the birth. The doctor told me afterwards that a face-first birth is very rare, and she was impressed that we were able to make it happen naturally without any tearing. I felt like I was tearing wide open pushing so it was a relief to find out I didn't tear at all! Throughout our time in the hospital, Annabelle was the talk of the nurses and doctors. We even had a few ask if we recorded the birth so they could see her facial presentation (no, we didn't). Our little girl is certainly a rarity between that and being born on her actual due date! We had a sign that said "my face is bruised" taped to her bassinet so no one would panic over her purpleish hue. The bruise has been fading well, and now the only concern is her bilirubin level as her body works to break down the healing bruise. Her level hasn't gone too high but it's still being monitored regularly by her pediatrician. Other than that, we are both perfectly healthy! I'm so unbelievably thrilled that we had another amazing, natural birthing experience! During my pregnancy I prayed for another natural birth, just faster. And that prayer was certainly answered! Annabelle was born just four hours after we were admitted! From the time I was first awake with contractions to her being in arms was a little over 9 hours. Amazing. (I labored for about 15 hours with Camden, 11 of that being in the hospital and 1.25hrs spent pushing). Annabelle's birth was much more intense but I'm so happy with how it all turned out! We're head over heels in love with our baby girl! She's the perfect addition to our family.