Monday, October 17, 2016

Dear soon-to-be mom of two...

Dear soon-to-be mom of two...

It feels like just yesterday I was in your shoes. I remember sitting on the living room floor, looking at my big pregnant belly and playing with my firstborn. I remember feeling anxious about the future and, honestly, a bit sad. Sad because the days of just the two of us were quickly dwindling. My son, the baby who made me a mother, wasn't going to be my only child for much longer. And as excited as I was to welcome a baby girl into our family, I was also sad to leave behind the season of just me and my son. He was my sidekick; we went everywhere and did everything together. My days (and nights) revolved around this boy. He was my world, and I was his. But our world was about to change drastically.

I constantly wondered what life was going to look like once our sweet baby arrived. I would picture various scenarios of life with two throughout our daily activities. I'd think about snuggling both my little darlings in the morning. I'd daydream about nursing the baby while reading books to my son. I'd feel nervous at the thought of grocery shopping or running errands alone with both kids. I'd picture family dinners, sibling baths, and an inevitably exhausting bedtime routine. I would watch my son sleep, his little arms wrapped around my belly, and I would get lost in thought. As beautiful as all these mental images appeared, I knew the transition wouldn't be easy and probably wouldn't be pretty. Waves of guilt would crash over me. Guilt over the fact that I would no longer be able to give my son my undivided attention all day long. Guilt that life as he knew it would never be the same. And then there was the guilt over feeling this way, and the fact that the baby wouldn't get a season of being my only.

Some days, it felt like all too much to bear. I would cry and hold my boy a little tighter. I made every effort to soak up every day I had with my son before my daughter was born. I'd make mental notes of all the special little things we held between us. I also took plenty of physical pictures of this precious season. Life went on and brought us closer and closer to baby's arrival.

I still vividly remember the morning I woke up in labor with my daughter. My little sidekick had found his way into my bed, per usual. I snuggled him while I timed my contractions for an hour. Once I wasn't comfortable laying down anymore, I quietly made my way out of the room to labor on my birthing ball. Fast forward a couple hours and it was time to head to the hospital. I went in the bedroom to kiss my son goodbye, when he woke and asked what was going on. I cried. A lot. I hugged him so tight, and explained that his sister was coming. In my head, I apologized to him for the major change that was about to rock his world. Out loud, I told him how much I loved him and that he was going to be the best big brother. Saying goodbye to my son to leave for the hospital was so much harder than I expected. I knew he would be in good hands with my parents but I also knew that he didn't fully grasp what was coming. I was in this heart-wrenching limbo of being over the moon excited to meet baby girl, yet utterly devastated to say goodbye to this season of just me and my son. Plus, all the hormones that come along with labor didn't help, ha.

Labor went wonderfully and just four (painfully long yet short) hours after being admitted, our sweet baby girl was in my arms. She was here! And with her came an amazing excitement over this new season of life.

I remember telling my husband that I wanted him to be holding the baby when our son came to meet her. I had read somewhere that it's less shocking for the older child if the baby isn't in mom's arms. So we made sure my arms were free to hug and love on our boy before we introduced him to his new baby sister. I'll never forget the look on his face when he got to meet and hold the baby. He was surprised, excited, and proud all at once. He touched her little face and repeatedly kissed her head. He grasped her tiny hand in his and smiled. He talked to her and told her who he was. It was such a beautifully special moment! And in that moment, my heart found peace and a new level of love that I didn't know was possible. Yes, our world just got flipped upside down. But the view from here was pretty spectacular.

While it's true that nothing can ever really prepare you for having a baby, there's something to be said for having a second baby. You know a bit more about what to expect. You're more confident in your abilities as a momma. Yet, there's this huge unknown of what life will look like with two. Can I just take a moment and assure you, it's amazing. It's exhausting, challenging, and sometimes overwhelming. But it fills your heart with so much love, you feel as though you could burst.

And you know what? The transition to two went more smoothly than I expected. We had (and continue to have) our rough days. It's hardest when both kids need me at the same time and I have to decide which need gets met first when they can't be met simultaneously. But I have the privilege of watching two unique and beautiful souls grow up and bond with each other. My son can make my daughter smile and laugh like no one else. My daughter calls her brother "bubba" and he smiles everyone he hears it. They have a special sibling love that I pray grows as they do. No, it's not always easy but that's motherhood. The important thing to remember is that every season brings its own kind of beautiful.

We still find time to be just me and my son. We have little dates and we do special activities when sister naps alone. Our family dynamic has changed but my relationship with my son has remained mostly the same. I have to work a little harder for the one-on-one time with him, but it's worth it. He's become the most fantastic helper. He takes pride in his role as big brother. It's been really neat to see him grow and change since the addition of our daughter. He's no longer my baby or my one and only, but he's still momma's boy and we still share a strong bond.

So, soon-to-be mom of two, enjoy the time you have left with your one and only. Sit on the floor and play. Memorize your firstborn right now in this moment. And know that the new baby joining your family is going to bring a brand new dimension of love. It will all work out and you'll be amazed at how full your heart can be. ❤️