Goodbye kisses from Daddy

Kissing Camden Goodbye

Friday was a big day for me and Camden. It was the last day we got to spend with Jacob for the next 6+ months. It's difficult to write this post without tearing up or feeling like my thoughts are just all over the place, so I'm sorry if this becomes hard to follow. We tried to make the most of the day by spending lots of quality time together before Jacob left en route to Kyrgyzstan for his deployment. Needless to say, it was a sad and very rough day to get through. Thinking about all the things that Jacob is going to miss while he's deployed breaks my heart. He won't get to watch my belly grow to enormous proportions. He won't be around to feel CJ's kicks and jabs as he grows stronger. He won't be there for doctors appointments and ultrasounds. He'll miss my crazy nesting phase. But worst of all, he won't be home for the birth of our first child.  (And before you say it, yes, we knew this was a possibility when we decided to start trying. However, that doesn't make the reality any easier to face. We're both allowed to have a hard time with it). It truly is sad to think about. But as we prepared for the separation to come, Jacob and I both tried to focus on how amazing his homecoming will be. When Jacob returns, we'll be a little family of three! Camden will be in our arms instead of my tummy. That is exciting, though admittedly a little strange, to think about right now!

Nevertheless, the separation is not easy. At all. I already miss my husband so incredibly much! He truly is my other half and I really do feel like half a person while he's gone. It's hard to explain and I know that it's hard for anyone who hasn't gone through this to understand. But watching Jacob leave really broke my heart. Just because I'm a military wife and I "signed up" for this doesn't make it easier to go through. Military wives aren't immune to the pain of separation simply because they experience it more often. Believe me, I feel the pain of my husband's absence! I feel it sharply and I feel it nonstop. It's just as hard for me to say goodbye as it is for any other woman who is madly in love with her man. The difference is, I'm forced to do it. I know that as a military wife there are times when I have to say goodbye for months on end, whether I want to or not. That comes with the territory. I do what needs to be done. I do it for our love. Jacob is worth every tear shed and every painful day spent apart! All of it. I wouldn't trade the marriage I have to him for anything. So yes, it sucks and it hurts more than words can express. But it needs to be done because my heart is fully devoted to the man that I married. I will find a way to get through each day while he's gone. I'll have good days and I'll have bad days. I'll have days when all I do is sit in bed, bundled up in his clothes, wishing that he could come home already (*cough*today*cough*). But I know that we will both get through this time and be even stronger because of it. But please friends, don't assume that this is easier for me simply because I am a military wife. Believe me, it isn't easy at all. But I would do anything for Jacob. And for us, that means making our love deployment strong. Okay, rant over.

Since this blog is really supposed to be about Baby Hildreth, there is something pretty cool I wanted to document. Yesterday, while I was driving home from Delaware, I decided to snack on some plain Cheerios (still a favorite!). Like I mentioned before, I like to talk to Camden throughout the day. As I was eating and driving I was talking to him, saying silly things like "I hope you like these Cheerios, buddy! Daddy would be happy that we're eating right now since our appetite seemed to disappear this week. Mmmm, these are so yummy, don't you think?" You know, just little things like that. Well, as I was munching away and talking to our little man, I could feel him wiggling around!! It was like a had this happy little goldfish swimming around and blowing bubbles in my tummy! I've felt something similar in the past few weeks but yesterday it was really strong! I knew it was him. I just knew it. In that moment I felt overwhelmingly thankful that I still have this piece of Jacob here with me while he's gone. I could sense God's provision in blessing us with a baby boy to be a part of me while my husband is away. I just had to pause and think about how lucky I really am to have a man that I love so incredibly much and to be carrying his son. It was a powerful moment for me. I smiled really big and cried a little. It was a moving experience. It's so awesome how God always provides exactly what we need when we need it the most! I know that Camden is a gift from God. And I know that God is going to use Camden to help me get through this difficult season. What a blessing this baby boy is!

Okay, well my scatterbrain can't seem to sort anything else out at this point. Thanks for taking the time to read through this long and sporadic post. Please keep Jacob, myself and baby Camden in your prayers. Specific prayer points would be- safety and a smooth transition for Jacob / comfort, peace and strength for both of us / health for all of us. Thank you all so much for the love, prayers and support over the past few days! It means a lot to us!